Fortunate are those who have something to pursue, something to do, to affect something or bear the effects of actions other than their own. It’s proof that you exist, that you’re not worthless and have some role to play in this BIG BIG world. I may sound a little too philosophical, or to those who know me intimately, perhaps even hilarious but that’s what I’ve been reduced to after my exams got over recently.
Roughly a year back, when 10th grade began, nearly every person I met, or just randomly ran into tried to provide me snippets or in some cases even lecture me, when I told them I’d be appearing for my board exams this year. From the importance of the report card to how I’d need to furnish it at every job interview to it being a deciding factor for my high school and college admissions later in future to every bit of intimidating information narrating the significance of board exams, I’ve had scores of people tell me all sorts of things in this regard. Now that the exams are over I just have one word to surmise all the lecturing as- N.O.N.S.E.N.S.E.
On the day of my first exam, as I swiftly glanced through the pages of the question paper (unbelievingly) I bemusedly wondered what the song and dance had been all about and how naïve I’d been all along to believe that these exams were going to be one hell of an experience. The conviction only grew stronger with each exam. There were a few questions that no doubt stymied me but that was about it. I wondered what fun people got out of making meek and harmless people feel miserable.
As for the preparation, unlike the bookworms who study 365 days a year, a dozen hours a day and buy up every help book that is available in the market, I’m more like the ones who start preparing at the eleventh hour. Accordingly, I don’t expect to get the same marks as those nerds. As long as I pass with decent marks, I don’t give a damn about what the world says. After the prelims, as I cleaned the dust off my books and sat down to study in the handful of days left before the commencement of the exams, I found my books were as fresh and the scent in them as relishable as they’d been when I bought them.
It’s in these last minute preparations that I start realizing how much more bearable and easier this ordeal could’ve been had I studied right from the start. I say that every time and know fully well that that’s never going to happen.
The days during the exams were the toughest to bear. While studying, half the time I’d wonder when this torture would end and fantasize how ecstatic a feeling it would be to have been done with all the exams in the end and breathe a sigh of relief. I craved for freedom, for peace and for bliss.
The exams did get over. We did celebrate. But what followed in the days after that was simply too much bear. I discovered that boredom was far more torturous than a grueling study session. That burying your head in books and studying in a tensed yet fervent manner was far better than merely roaming about aimlessly with having nothing to do. It’s in times like these, when you’re totally jobless, that you begin to wonder when you’d be back to the grind again!
I’ve tried everything possible to drive away the boredom. From spa getaways to films to reading, writing, eating out and a host of other things. But the humdrumness lingers on and I wait ever impatiently to get back to school. I’ve been bored nearly to death but there’s little I can do about it.
Till I find myself toiling hard as a busy bee again, I wait. Simply wait.